This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
