Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
