If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
