Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
