There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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