HIV tests are more positive than that guy
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
