Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
