the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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