The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
