I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
