this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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