I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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