I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
