I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
