I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
