the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
