It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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