omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
