i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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