Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
