no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
