I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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