Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
