Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
