You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
