Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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