Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
