u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
