i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
