Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
