I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
