he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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