I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
