physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ttyl tear gas
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
