shes about as inviting as chlamydia
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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