Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
