I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
so much tequila, so little girl.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
