Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
