Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's shark week go big or go home
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
