she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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