i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
