My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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