so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
