That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
