i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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