Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
