found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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