I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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