Please, let me fuck your mom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
