Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
