I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
