I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
