it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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