i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
