so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
